I'm Off...

To Palm Springs with the girls....

I can't tell you how badly I need this, life continues to be a bit challenging - but I rejoice in knowing God is on my side....

So.. I'm off to outlet shop, sit poolside, have girlie talk, and enjoy a few days of leaving my cares behind....

Have a great weekend!

Our Freedom....

Came at such a high price, and unfortunately continues to cost lives....

A mere thank you will never be enough to show the gratitude I have for those who choose to serve in our armed forces.

God bless America - and those who pledge their lives to fight for it.....

Wishing All You Mama's Out There....

A wonderfully beautiful day.....

Eight Things

As per Tattoos and Teething Rings I'm taking my own stab at eight things.....

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Summer break - I look forward to no homework for the kids, days of sitting at the beach, and basically no structure in our lives for three months.
2. Our annual trip to Colorado to spend a few weeks with our best friends.
3. My weekend trip with just the girls to Palm Springs the first weekend in June - lying by the pool and outlet shopping, does it get any better??!!
4. A get away with my hubby - although I don't know when money will permit. Maybe we need to settle for a weekend with the kids at grandma's and having the house to ourselves.
5. A new car - again, don't know when money will permit, but I'm done with the minivan, and it is 11 years old!
6. Getting my hair cut and colored -- it needs it (again that darn money permitting thing)!!!
7. Having an income generated from our business
8. Spending eternity in Heaven

8 Things I did Yesterday:
1. Get up way to0 early
2. Walked my daughter into school and made sure my son had arrived (first time walking to school by himself with his best friend).
3. Attended my bible study leaders meeting
4. Spent a little too long surfing the web
5. Picked up kids from school
6. Made sure homework was completed and baseball uniform was washed
7. Made pizzas for dinner, pepperoni for the kids and buffalo chicken for my husband and I (yummm).
8. Watched my son's baseball game (and darn if it wasn't freezing cold at 7:00 last night).

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Sing BEAUTIFULLY instead of just making a joyful noise!
2. Ditto Tat - I wish I could do sign language as well.
3. Spend money on clothes anytime I want - I know this is rather shallow, but I just love clothes, and I never buy full price. I'm a huge clearance, sale shopper.
4. Buy my husband a new car (yup, its that money permitting thing), but I'd really like to buy him something frivolous since he's the one in the family that always puts himself and his desires last.
5. Take vacations more often. I'd love for my family to vacation during Christmas/Easter breaks, long trips somewhere during the summer...
6. Find the cure for cancer and HIV - they suck....
7. Find contentment in ALL things everyday of my life...
8. Tithe 90% and live off of 10%....

8 TV Shows I Watch:
1. The office
2. 30 Rock
3. Any of the Housewives Shows (OC, NY, AT, but not the new one - I know, you're asking why ANY of them to begin with)
4. Most anything on the Food Network if it catches my fancy
5. Project Runway
6. Top Chef
7. Rock of Love (yeah, I know, this is pretty skanky, but it takes me back to my rocker chick 80's days)...
8. Too many Disney/Nickelodeon shows to mention

Your turn...

Miss California.....

She was asked a question, she answered it....

She DID NOT lie, she answered how SHE felt.....

In my book she is a winner, not because of what she believes in, but for standing on HER moral ground, speaking what SHE believes, and sticking to it --- at the cost of the crown....

And the crown should go to..... Miss California!!!

And the crowd goes crazy.....

Comfort Level....

I often wonder why I can't be comfortable in my own skin.....

I mean, I like who I am on the inside.....

But, why is it my perception of the outside can be so off????

I feel really uncomfortable giving actual numbers, but, I'm going to do so just to confirm how crazy I am...

In high school I was small, probably around the 110 range. Once I entered the work place my weight slowly crept up to about 120/125, but it was fairly easy to maintain that weight. At one point in my mid twenties, and in a very unhappy relationship, my weight reached 160. I went on Nutri Systems and quickly took it off. I then maintained 120 until after my second child. After Emma was born I ate because I was so overwhelmed with two kids 18 months apart. For about five years I probably wieghed about 140. Then I started running and the weight came off. Again, It became easy to maintain a weight somewhere in the 120/125 range. Since February, when my life flipped a bit around with the death of my friend and the stress of our business, my weight has dropped to the 114 range....

Here is the point to all this.... I still view my body as if I weigh so much more then I do. I'm wearing a size that I've always said "Of course that's cute, anything that size is cute"... and yet I can't really "SEE" myself at this weight/size. My minds eye still see's whatever the heck it sees... It's crazy - I know. I could never be anorexic because I love to eat too much, but I do see how they can get such a warped sense of self image. I'm sure if I lost another five pounds, I'd still see myself the same way....

Happy Easter!!!!

He Is Risen!!!!

My Idea of Greatness...

Doug Fields in his book "Refuel" put into words so wonderfully my goal for my family..

"As I grow older, my desire for doing something great has decreased. Now, it's more about being great inwardly. I want to have a great character and let the actions of my life overflow from that depth. Nowadays I want to be a great friend, a great parent, and a great lover of life. I want to be skilled at showing compassion, celebrated for kindness, and adept at loving God and living for Him both at church and away from it.

Perhaps when you hear the word greatness, you equate it with having your dream job and lots of money, vacations in the south of France, and an ice cream maker within arm's reach of your bathtub. Okay, but I'd love to point you in the direction of actually developing greatness, something that's measured by your life and character rather then your status, stuff, and savings. "

In my book, character is everything, it says everything about you.... and unfortunately, so many people these days are lacking true character. They are swayed by the wind, by the mighty dollar, by whatever brings them what they want. Their beliefs and morals are easily tossed aside if what they gain puts them one step closer to what they want. I pray I can instill into my children, it's not what you have, it's what you are about. It's sticking to your word, beliefs, morals, at all costs.... that is true character.

Life...

Life has been so crazy that, although I've followed your blogs, I just have not had the mental energy to tackle mine.

I've had things to write about, such as my husband telling me I'm getting - get this - "too thin"... I think his comment came more from worry that the weight loss has come from stress and not because of better eating and more working out. Now, his reason is because, so male of him to say this, my boobs are getting smaller, and he likes them fuller......

So, I wanted to say thank you to each of you for entertaining me with your well written posts, adding laughter, thought, wisdom and sometimes just an escape from the "stuff" that life brings. Hopefully soon I'll be motivated to sit down and write, instead of just read....

You Guys Rock......

Thank you to those of you who nominated me for this wonderful award! I know I have work to do with it, by passing it on to others, I promise I'll do that another day....

Breathe In, Breathe Out.....

Life has thrown some major curve balls as of late. Last week I was in Colorado to be with a friend who suddenly, and very tragically, lost her husband. They are our best friends, we vacation with them every year. Her husband was like my kids second dad. He left a twelve year old daughter without a daddy....

Prior to leaving my friend since high school, who's family was my second family, just found out her ten year old nephew was diagnosed with Leukemia. My neighbor just informed us she's been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a double mastectomy on Wed. Another friend was just laid off from her job of thirteen years. Starting a business in this economy is of course so much fun, and money is becoming non existent for us. I could go on - and on - and 0n. I think just about everyone I know is having some sort of hardship.

Then to top it off, today as I sat waiting for a light to turn green, I watched as a car full of teenage kids threw a drink at an elderly man standing on the medium waiting to walk across the street. These kids were in a forty thousand dollar car, laughing as they drove past. I just feel like there is very little good left in the world. I admit I'm in my own little pity party.

In faith I'm holding on, but my soul is tired, beaten down, disappointed, angry, frustrated, sad......

I am thankful my kids are healthy, we still have a roof over our head, there is food in the cupboards, there is love in my house...

Share with me your blessings, help me to see that there is still goodness out in the big world of ours....

Why Is It......

That it's ok to have a J Lo butt......



But not ok to have John Goodman's Abs.....



That Jessica Simpson is "normal" when she looks like this....


But "Fat" when she looks like this.....



And isn't it ironic that the same celebrities that came to her defense saying she looks great, would quickly be starving themselves if the pictures were of them????

And why does Oprah call this thin.....



And this fat.....



Why not just "beautiful" (and I don't even like Oprah)....

And swimsuit models.... seriously.....



Do you think they ever really eat??!!

Mmmmm, Coffee....

I LOVE coffee.... I start thinking about my morning cup the night before - crazy isn't it?? My husband has stated on more then one occasion that I don't drink coffee, I drink a milk shake. I admit it, I enjoy the flavored creamers, and yes, my coffee is more creamer color then coffee colored, but yummmm, I love my coffee.

Whiner Party of One....

Started my run in the afternoon heat - NEVER fun... half way into it, side ache began, oh, now the back is starting to ache.... ugh... first run of the month, not so good.... Goal was six, wanted to complete at least three (once I started), ended up running about two and a half miles, walked about a half.

At least I moved... tomorrow's another day....

So How Did I Do.......

Or should I say, how am I doing.... It's the end of January (well, almost).. Time to reflect on my "Improvements".

My first priority was to spend time with my kids each night before they go to bed. I've been spending at least 15 minutes with each Sunday through Thursday (basically "school" nights). This has made a tremendous change in my daughter. She is what I describe as my cat - Everything is on her terms. Since spending this time with her, I have seen a huge change in her affection towards me. It's only taking me nine years to realize she really needs my undivided time. My son, he's my affectionate one, he just loves spending time with mom. It saddens me that I didn't start this from the very beginning of their little lives.

Spending time with my husband. My goal was to have two date nights a month. This Saturday we will have our third. One of our nights was celebrating a friends MBA, so we didn't really spend much time together - you know, girls chatting with the girls, guys doing the same, but we were out without kids nonetheless.

Family Days - we've had two Sunday's this month that were dedicated only to family. My son starts baseball this week and will have a practice every Sunday, so this is going to take some planning ahead to ensure we still get our family time in. This is what seems to happen, we allow life to change our priorities, rather then making our priorities come first in life.

Self improvements. I did get the holiday weight off, and maybe an extra pound or two. I have been eating better, although until I can figure out which tooth is my sweet tooth and have it removed, I'm still gonna have a cookie or two, or three, or six.... My running hasn't been what I've wanted, but you know that already. That will change. I also wanted to add more strength training in, for firmer arms and shoulders. Although the total body gym is up against the wall in my bedroom, I still haven't worked it into my routine. My husband does it at times not convenient for me, or day's I've already done a class. I'll try and make that a priority this month as well.

So, I haven't done too bad. The two improvements that mean the most, time with my kids and husband, have been the easiest and most successful, as well as the most rewarding. The rest is just icing on the cake...

Total Miles Logged......

This month I logged 24.11 running miles... ummmm.... I use to do that in a week (ok, so it's been a while since I've logged that many in a week, but that use to be my norm)...

A bit disappointing mentally, but, I suppose I have my reasons -- or excuses -- which ever you choose to call them.

I started off the first week of January with a bang, and then I caught a head cold. The kind that keeps you up at night, zaps your energy... About the same time, some major stress hit our lives. Nothing like a death, but, as I said before, the kind of stress that makes your stomach nauseous, so lack of food intake, being emotionally wiped out, running just wasn't the priority. The kids have had a few days of no school Mondays, always a bit harder when kids are around... the list could go on, but it wont.

Now that January, and hopefully everything it entailed is behind me, February starts with a whole new head space. I'm back to my goal of at least 21 miles a week. I wont beat myself up if I don't attain it, but I hope I get way closer then I did this past month.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........

Whew....... I needed to let that out. I'm on one of those eating binges, the kind where nothing you put in your mouth satisfies the hunger in your gut, and it's driving me crazy!! This house hold has had WAY too much stress inside it's four walls the past few weeks. The kind of stress that makes you sick to the stomach, so you don't really eat.....

The stress is finally starting to settle a bit, good thing... Bad thing, my body wants to make up for the lack of food it's received over the past 14 days or so.... I'm trying to keep the intake good - started out with a fiber one muffin and coffee, on to yogurt a banana and half a turkey sandwich, sweet tooth kicked in so I tried to calm it with a handful of granola... however... I've since moved on to a lunch sized bag of cheetos, another muffin and a handful of chips with salsa. I'm trying to down water, but that doesn't do a thing for me. I'm getting ready to make dinner, so hopefully a meal of salisbury steak, roasted cauliflower, mashed potatoes will end the hunger, but darn if those oreos aren't calling my name.....

Admittedly.....

I'm a half asser....

I grow tired of doing things. I start at one end of my kitchen counter with gusto, but by the time I get to the other end, I don't move things any longer, I just sorta clean around them.... I wash the clothes, then fold them, but most of the time they just sit in the basket until I need the darn thing, then I finally put them away... Oh and dusting... yeah...... I go as long as I can dusting around the nick nacks, and don't even ask about my blinds, luckily not too many people are in the house at the time when the sun hits them just right and you can see the layer of dust.... Don't get me wrong, my house is clean, just half ass clean....

Change....

I have a tendency to get bored with things and want to change them up.....

What about this new layout?

Don't be surprised if it changes... and changes... and changes again...

Hope....

My pastor said the following at the end of his service a few weeks back....

Hope does not come from a man in the white house, but from the man who hung on the cross....

We all need hope....

Contemplating....

Times are tough.... for everyone... I've been trying to figure out places I can cut back. I'm pretty darn close to cutting the cable for the tv off. We don't need it, we might miss it, but we don't need it. We're not a family of extravagance, so I don't have a list of things I can cut out to lower our monthly expenses.

But there is one thing I'm struggling with......

My gym membership.....

I signed up last June, they had a deal I couldn't pass up - $30.00 a month, no contract, my kids are free. I take a class 2 days a week, and two of my girlfriends are there most days - working out with others is always so much easier. I've also really come to enjoy having a choice to run inside or outside depending on the weather. I like my membership. I really like it.....

The question is, do I really need it? For years I would tell everyone I have the perfect gym in the outdoors, why do I need to pay to exercise?! But now that I have the perfect indoor gym that gives me a total body work out two days a week, why would I want to stop that? I don't like when my "things" have a hold on me, I should be stronger then that, but this is really holding on tight....

Aging....

I remember when I was 18, a girl I worked with was 26 and had a sudden break up with her long time boyfriend. I remember thinking, wow, she's really old, she's never going to get married. Fast forward 8 years, and I was that 26 year old girl breaking up with my long time boyfriend, but thankfully I had matured enough to realize there was still hope for a future husband. I did have a mid life crisis right before I turned 29. I was dating the man who would become my husband, I remember vividly babbling on and on to him one night at dinner about getting married, having kids, buying mini vans --- I felt like time was running out. Luckily I didn't scare him off, he proposed soon after... My thirties were spent becoming a wife, homeowner, mother of two, and all that entails. Funny thing, forty never bothered me, it came and went, just another birthday...

Isn't it funny that a number seems so "old" until we start creeping up to it??!! Fifty seemed old when I was in my early thirties. Now that I'm into my forties, fifty isn't old at all, heck you're still a spring chicken (sixty however, that sounds old......)!!! My question is, at what point in time, if ever, do I get to exhale? And what I mean by that, do I ever get to stop being concerned with the size of my pants, the lines on my face, the calories I've taking in but haven't done anything to work off...... the list could go on.....

If you asked me who I want to be when I grow up, this women always comes to mind:



I just love Paula's demeanor - she seems very comfortable in her skin. Obviously I'm going strictly off of her TV persona since I do not know her personally, but I hope someday to get to a place in life where adding butter and mayo to everything doesn't make me avoid the recipe. I would love to feel so comfortable in my skin that I could joyfully tell others the reason I carry a few extra pounds is because the fullness of my face takes away the lines. I want to have my cake, and eat the entire thing too!!

I've lived most of my adult life trying to figure out when I'm most comfortable in my skin, and unfortunately, I'm the most comfortable when I feel I'm thin. But what is the definition of "thin" because when I'm "thin" I always want to be "thinner". Its a vicious cycle and one that I hope some day I can come to peace with. And become more like Paula Dean.....

Sidelined.....

Some unexpected, out of left field, life stress hit us on Friday (not fun). I also started battling a head cold at the same time (really not fun). Needless to say, since Friday night I have been both mentally and physically out of commission.

Monday it was all I could do to function. When I woke up Sunday night at 12:30 am my husband decided I needed to help him talk through this "thing" that transpired. At 3am my son let us know we now had him up. Then the wind picked up, alarms were going off, not much sleep transpired after 3am. I decided there was no way I could put my body through any kind of run. Although I did get a drug induced sleep Tuesday night, I was still too physically drained to run. Wednesday I did do my class, then walked 2 miles on the treadmill. Today, still not feeling up to speed, I decided to do a four mile route that was mostly down hill for 2 miles but then of course uphill for 2. I ran today maybe a mile total. My body was clammy most of the run/walk (not from the heat mind you), but once I was done, I was glad I got out and moved. Helped me both physically and mentally. I have my usual class tomorrow, but I'm planning to get in a three mile run prior with a friend (hopefully I wont pass out on her)!!

I'm really hoping by next Monday the cold is past (although I sit here with a sore throat, please no relapse....) because I really loved logging in my miles last week. It's been a while since I ran that many miles in a week, and it mentally felt great....

My Little Prayer.....

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, please no bags,
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, please no gray,
And as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, please keep me young,
Oh.. And thank you Dear Lord, for all that you've done....

Ok, thought that was too cute not too pass along!!

Sore....

I woke up this morning aching in every part of my body. My shoulders and arms... quiet likely from the four sets of push ups, four sets of dips, the 7.5 pnd weights I used to do the bicep, tricep, shoulder sets during yesterday's class. My legs... they've been complaining -- ALOT -- as of late. I can hear them say "Why are you doing this to us" everytime I stiffly get up from a seated position, or take my first few steps of the day.

Today I was so physically tired I really thought about taking the kids to school and coming back home to bed. But mentally I knew once I started out on my run, all would be fine. The runs have not become any more enjoyable, they are at a pace that defeats me a bit mentally knowing I use to run at a faster pace (and for the life of me, I couldn't run any faster then I currently am), but it's my competative nature to post my daily goal that keeps me putting one foot infront of the other.

I have to laugh when people tout how exercise gives them more energy. Honestly, I'm physically exhausted at the end of the day and my body is ALWAYS sore. But, mentally, I do feel better. I love that I can say at the age of 42 I'm in way better shape then I was at 25.

Tommorow, another class and 3 miles on the treadmill....

Not Today....

I fell short... Really wanted 3, but as you see, only made 2.5 miles today. Wednesdays are actually my "class" day. I take a Body Works class that starts at 8:30am. I started this class in June, which is when I joined the gym, and when I decided my body had become to use to just running and I needed something to change things up. I also wanted something that would work my upper body.

I love taking this class, and have two of my girlfriends taking it with me. The only problem (if you can call it a problem) is the instructor has a tendency to go very heavy on cardo and lighter on weights. Today's work out was brutal. My legs got such a work out that I wasn't even sure I could run the treadmill. But run I did and decided 2.5 was good enough.

Tomorrow I'm shooting for another outside 6 mile day.... Wish me luck! :)

I Just Recieved The Best......

Christmas present ever! I have been living without my wedding ring for at least two years now. . Because the way the diamonds are set, every so often I lose one..... And then it takes us forever to get it fixed.... My husband finally sent it to the jeweler and I just received it today!! Yipee, I actually look like a married women again!

Just Brutal....

My run today... well, if that's what you can call it! I honestly think there wasn't one part of my run today that I enjoyed.... Ok, I take that back, I REALLY enjoyed being finished!!!

I started off with the wind in my sails, ready to have a great run with a great attitude. I chose a route that starts with a hill, first mistake. I started off running that hill a bit too fast, second mistake. I should preface this story by telling you the route I decided to run today is a three mile loop around a lake. By the time I reached the end of the loop I was ready to quit (my goal was to run it twice), but, my competitive spirit wouldn't let me. The drive to post 6 miles on my log, as well as Lissaloo's words from the other day, "I really did not feel like walking this morning, I found a LOT of excuses not to. But I did it, I walked" gave me the motivation to run it again, accomplishing my 6 mile goal for the day. Not at a pace I would be thrilled to post, but at a pace none the less.

A girlfriend of mine happened to call me just as I got into my car to head home. She was one of the inspirations that started me on my running path - she's been running since high school. I had to laugh when she said, "I haven't been able to stop thinking for the past two days that maybe this should be the year of the marathon" Ok, it just killed me to run those 6 miles, the thought, especially right at that moment, of running 26 just made me bust out laughing. I have learned though, never say never....

The only other problem I encountered was pain in the knee around mile 5. I'm blaming this problem on the fact that I probably need new shoes. Fear of injury is constantly on my mind, I have had several running friends who have injured themselves and been out of commission for months. My fear is an injury would probably end my running all together. The stiffness in the knee as well as the pain a few hours later prompted me to take two ibuprofen, and at the moment, I am pain free.

I keep reminding myself, it has been some time since I ran outside, let alone 6 miles. Be proud of the accomplishment, don't worry about the pace speed, the winded lungs after the uphill battles, just keep focused on the more I run, the stronger I will become..... Again.....

Just A Few Things.....

You may not know about me....

1. I LOVE animal print (yes, I'm one of THOSE girls)!! Don't worry, I'm not a fanatic, it's not plastered all over my house, just a rug here, a pillow there. My purse has an animal print, and my new favorite jacket happens to as well. I just simply gravitate towards it...

2. I believe I was born into the wrong family! I think I was meant to have a Mexican heritage. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mexican food. I'm like a hamster, I will eat it till my stomach is about to explode. I could seriously eat it every day for every meal.

3. I'm addicted to reality TV (shamefully so). Project Runway, Top Chef, Next Network Star (ok, so those aren't THAT bad are they???), BUT, the killer, I'm totally into all the Housewives shows, OC, Atlanta, NY (now you can roll your eyes). I just love seeing the personality conflicts....

4. I completely dislike rain. I would be happy if it stayed dry the rest of my life. Now, I know, realistically that will never happen and that we need rain for a multitude of reasons, but if I could have a sit down with Mother Nature I'd make a deal with her that rain can only happen from 9pm till 6:30 am. I really am like the wicked witch of the west, I get hit with a drop and you hear "I'm melting........."

5. If I could have a daily guilty pleasure, I would get a message everyday. Spa days with girlfriends are very few and far in between, but I LOVE them....

Can I Tell You How Much I Dislike......

Buying fitness clothes....

I know, an odd post, but since my work out clothes are a few years old, I thought with the Christmas money I was given I'd break down and buy a few things... hm....

Off to Target I went. Two sports bras and two tank tops would have cost me almost $60.00 (and the sports bra's were on clearance). I just can't do it. Even though I spend a majority of my time in my fitness clothes, and I would love to have darling little matching outfits, I'd rather spend that money on "street" clothes!! Half way to the registers I turned around and put them back.

Off to TJ Max I went. I was able to buy three pairs of running shorts for - get this - $20.00. I really do need more tops (unfortunately not a good selection at TJ's), so, I'm hoping this Sunday Target's will go on sale. I'll pay $9.00 a shirt, but $15.00, that's just too much for me...