Isn't it funny that a number seems so "old" until we start creeping up to it??!! Fifty seemed old when I was in my early thirties. Now that I'm into my forties, fifty isn't old at all, heck you're still a spring chicken (sixty however, that sounds old......)!!! My question is, at what point in time, if ever, do I get to exhale? And what I mean by that, do I ever get to stop being concerned with the size of my pants, the lines on my face, the calories I've taking in but haven't done anything to work off...... the list could go on.....
If you asked me who I want to be when I grow up, this women always comes to mind:
I just love Paula's demeanor - she seems very comfortable in her skin. Obviously I'm going strictly off of her TV persona since I do not know her personally, but I hope someday to get to a place in life where adding butter and mayo to everything doesn't make me avoid the recipe. I would love to feel so comfortable in my skin that I could joyfully tell others the reason I carry a few extra pounds is because the fullness of my face takes away the lines. I want to have my cake, and eat the entire thing too!!
I've lived most of my adult life trying to figure out when I'm most comfortable in my skin, and unfortunately, I'm the most comfortable when I feel I'm thin. But what is the definition of "thin" because when I'm "thin" I always want to be "thinner". Its a vicious cycle and one that I hope some day I can come to peace with. And become more like Paula Dean.....
Oh, geez. I have to tell you, I struggled briefly with an eating disorder when I was in my teens. It was gross. Looking back, I can't believe the life that I had then. Shortly after I was at a weight that I deemed "comfortable," I got pregnant with my first child...and gained 80 lbs. I think I still have it here somewhere, almost 8 years later...yup, still there. Along with the weight I gained while pregnant with my second child. Funny thing is, I don't care anymore. I'm not "morbidly obese" as a doctor would coin it. In fact, I just look chubby. I like chubby. I learned a lesson (luckily) early on in life. I love me for me...extra baggage and all. And believe me, I have some baggage that weighs a LOT more than I do! Now if I could just rid myself of THAT...
ReplyDeletePaula is one of my hero's, her life story is amazing. I think you summed it up well- we need to become comfortable with ourselves. I for one am not there yet :) I guess for some of us that is probably one of life's biggest challenges.
ReplyDeleteI love her life story, too, LL. She seems very "safe" to me, like you could crawl up next to her tell her all your troubles and you'd walk away feeling better and well fed!! And RG, thank goodness I've never had an eating disorder, thank goodness it didn't continue for you. Actually, I've loved my body most while being pregnant, I would love to be pregnant 20 more times, I just don't want any more babies! I envy you, RG, for finding your place - I love me for me as well, but not when I have a few extra pounds on, that I need to work on...
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