Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Last year was just plain crappy.... It all began in February....

My two best friends in the whole world, Steve and Cindy moved from California to Colorado five years ago. My relationship with them began with Steve.

I met Steve when I was 18 years old working in corporate America, he was a vendor and I coordinated his work. We clicked and became fast "work" friends. He married Cindy and she ended up getting a job in the department I worked in , we became close friends right away. Our work relationship soon became a personal relationship as Cindy and I quickly became best friends.

I ended up leaving that job and actually went to work for Steve. I was his right hand "wo"man for 14 years. Steve sold his business and they moved to Colorado. That was one of the saddest days of my life, watching my friends who I spent so much time with, pull away to begin a new life so far away.

We have spent two to three weeks together every summer since they've moved - Colorado has become our second home.

So, that brings us to February 13th, 2009, when I received a phone call that spun my world. My friend, whom I loved so much, had taken his life. The day before Valentines day, my friend chose to leave his wife and daughter.

I flew out to Colorado as quickly as I could and I spent the following week assisting my girlfriend with all that needed to be handled. Making arrangements to have a body dealt with and death certificates issued is tragic, but under these circumstances it was just plain wrong....

It's been almost a year now and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about Steve, be it a good thought or an angry one. I don't know that I will ever forgive him for being so selfish, for leaving his wife and child, his family, his friends...

I miss my friend....


  1. Oh my. What a tragedy. I am so sorry. I'm glad you are there for your friend but who's there for you? I send prayers of comfort and healing your way. God bless both you and Cindy.

  2. I can't imagine how to even deal with such a horrible loss. I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the tough time you went through. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. That's so sad. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. I hope both you and your friend will be able to find a way to get through your grief.

  4. Wow. I'm sorry!
    I have unfortunately known a few people in my life who have taken their own. It is impossible to understand. I was riddled with grief, guilt, AND anger. I can't imagine having the same thing happen today with one of my closest friends, because I know how devastating it is.
    I am sorry for your loss and will keep you and your friends's family in in my thoughts.
    Finding a therapist who is experienced with this kind of situation would probably be incredibly helpful, for you, your friend, and his daughter. Good Luck to all of you!

  5. I am sorry for your loss. I can understand your anger, your questions, your surprise when you first found out about this. But I can also understand your sadness and the fact that, above all, you miss your friend.

    I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that things get better for you and his family.