God Spoke To Me Today....

Through the mouth of a four year old...

My house has always been my safe place. I love that we received the keys to our new home the day before our wedding. I love that it is the only home my children have known thus far. I love our neighbors and how we've all been fortunate enough to start our families together and strive to raise them with the same morals and values. I love that a few years back we took our living room back from the kids and it has turned into a wonderful "grown up" room instead of the kids play area. I love that in between these walls we have loved, laughed, argued, nurtured, entertained - lived life - over the past 13 years.

I love my home....

Until recently....

I find when I'm inside these walls I become impatient, fearful, angry, resentful. I hear water running and think about a water bill. I hear the heat come on in the early mornings and think about an electric bill. I'm so fearful of losing our home, and yet I can't rest easy inside of it right now. I find it so ironic that I'm so afraid of losing it, yet it's the last thing I want to take care of - I kind of shut down when I'm here.

I wake every morning asking God to give me wisdom regarding our situation and to give me peace and acceptance regarding our circumstances. I know God is in control, and I am waiting for His deliverance (although not very patiently as of late). I'm trying, really hard, to become ok with letting my house go if it comes down to that - but so far I haven't got there. I so desire to hear God's voice... clearly.... knowing without a doubt it was him... telling me it's all going to be ok.

As I was leaving a friend today, her four year old son was yelling his good byes across the parking lot to me. At the last moment, he turned one last time and shouted "Oh, and enjoy your home"......

God spoke to me today through that little boy's sweet voice....

A Few Pet Peeves....

In random order....

Open mouth chewers - I don't want to hear you eat or see your food while you do...

Not returning your shopping cart - come on people, most of the time the return stall is a few small steps away. This drives me COMPLETELY bonkers...

People who decide they don't want an item and leave it some random place in the store - Really?!? You just really can't go back to the area and return it to its proper place?!? At the very least, hold on to it and tell the checker you changed your mind...

Not replacing an empty toilet paper roll - so not nice, and lazy to boot...

More to come....

If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say......

Don't say it at all.....

That's what we teach our kids, right? I've been pretty quiet of late -- well --because -- all the topics in which I desire to write about aren't -- yes, you guessed it -- nice....

And actually, there's really only one topic I desire to spew about, and that would be, yes, the ex partner - David Tieman from Tieman's Fusion Coffee....

Here's my deal: In good faith we formed a partnership. In good faith we lent him money to pay his personal bills. In good faith we extended WAY too much money into the company. In good faith we agreed to a buy out. And here we sit, eight months later, with not even a cent nor a peep from him, his law firm, or anyone else associated with him.

The irony of it all is -- we have not been part of this company for the past 11 months, yet we are the only one paying the debt for it. In good faith we believed, since he was so adamant about buying the company, that he would honor his agreement. But men with NO honor don't care about holding up their agreements.

We are in such a financial straight jacket at the moment. Actually, more like a financial guillotine, and we're frantically trying to prevent someone from pulling the lever that ends it all. It's hard not to funnel the focus, and so much anger, on the one with whom we feel caused all of this. Yes, we went WAY too far out on a limb, we should have never extended ourselves the way we did - we acknowledge so and take responsibility for our part of where we find ourselves right now, but we did it all... In good faith...

12 Years Ago....

This child came into our lives....

He's so darn smart, one of the funniest people I know, so compassionate and deeply emotional

but....

the future scares me with this one.....

Thank goodness it was only crazy hair day!


This is his creativity with rings

Born to be bad.... or so he thinks
Happy Birthday Little Man - You make us so very proud!!

So....

Will you be watching the Oscars tonight?

Although one would think I would be into that, I'm not....

I'll just cruise the internet tomorrow and watch a few of the celebrity news shows to see who wore what and to hear if there were any show stopping moments that happened.

Instead, I'll be finishing my bible study that I need done for tomorrow....

Dear God - Part 2....

Can her five minutes of fame PLEASE be over......

Dear God....

Cancer sucks....

Quiet frankly, I'm tired of praying for miracles.... which then often turns into prayers of peace and comfort....

I'm tired of holding my breath when a caringbridge update comes through, hoping the 12 year old it talks about has counts that allows him to have chemo. Or finding out that the friend who complained for three years to her doctor about severe back pain had pancreatic cancer, and six months after the diagnosis was gone.

I'm fearful for my neighbor who just found out she has cancer. The same kind that took her step father within four months of being diagnosed.

You are our creator - you hold all things in your hands - you can eradicate this - WHY DON"T YOU??!!

Yes, along with the painful, I have rejoiced with the healed. I praise you Lord for healing my mother who has for the last 13 years been cancer free. I praise you for little Faith, who at 3 fought the good fight and won. But I miss my best friend who at 33 was taken from me.

Please, please, please, I beg you, Lord, allow us to find a cure... soon.... so very soon....