"I Want My Happy Back"....

I happened to hear these words muttered by a reality housewife recently while I was flipping through the channels....

These words hit me to the core...

I want MY happy back....

These past two years have been such a trial. Financially and emotionally. We have drained our long term savings, we are in debt way over our heads and then some, and unless God provides a miracle VERY soon, we'll lose our home. There hasn't been much happiness...

There has been gratitude. Thankfulness for our health, for the way God has provided for our needs through our friends and family. For cars that continue to run even though there are far more miles then should be on them. For our children - they are great kids, get great grades and do very well in their sport of choice. I'm grateful that God provided me a job that creates a small income and works with my kids schedule. Grateful that our marriage is strong despite the stress.

But happiness... that's been elusive... Yes, of course, there have been happy moments, laughter does still exists in our home, but if you were to ask me to describe myself, happy would not be included. It use to be and I believe one day it will again, but for the last two years my happy has been missing. 

I know that someday we will finally make it out of this valley God has us traveling through. I struggle, actually I agonize, with the "cost" this journey is causing us, but I know He will bring us out. He gently spoke to me through Deuteronomy 8..... "Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness....humbling you and testing you to prove your character and to find out whether or not you would really obey his commands" v8:2  I know there is a bigger purpose behind this time of testing. I truly believe He has something beyond what we can conceive at this moment planned for us "He did it so you would never think that it was your own strength and energy that made you wealthy" v8:17.

Wealth will not bring back my happy... But having a consistent income to pay off our debts, to not worry about things breaking down, knowing we can pay for the roof over our head, the clothes on our bodies, the food in our pantry.... Having an income to pay for healthy teeth and medical check ups, haircuts and gas in our vehicles. Not having to hear constant heavy sighs or saying my daily prayers fighting back tears....  Happy will creep back in when these things start happening....

And in God's timing, I know they will....