Wasn't It Enough....

The cross....

Jesus died upon it...

He took the weight of our sins upon himself, became the last sacrificial offering and tore the curtain that once separated us from the Holiness of God.

I have always gazed upon the cross and visualized Jesus suffering from my sins - until last night, when He helped me to see the cross in a new way.

For way too long I've been in a wrestling match with God. I know God desires for me to put the past and all it entails emotionally, financially, relationally behind me. To forgive, move forwarded and allow Him to deal how He desires with all involved. I know He wants me to "nail it to the cross" and be done with it. But me in all my human nature finds ever reason why I should hang on to the bitterness, the anger, the hurt. I can easily find scripture to justify my feelings and desires. But....

Scripture also tells me to forgive....

Holding on to this unwillingness to forgive is a sin. So, I battle with Christ. I use the argument of - you do not forgive us till we ask for forgiveness, confessing our sin. Why should I forgive others who are not willing to confess, nor even think their actions are in need of forgiveness?

Well.... 

I'm suppose to because you tell us to. 

Ah shucks....

So back to the cross. Yes, He suffered from my sins while He was nailed to that cross. I know and I confess that I am wrong in holding on to this sin that doesn't allow me to forgive. I pray daily to lose the foothold that evil has in my life where this situation is concerned. And truth be told I have often been frustrated with God that he doesn't just remove it from my emotional tank - because I know with a snap of His finger it wouldn't bother me anymore. But God does things in God's way, and He had been waiting to show me the cross in a new light.

Jesus did not just take the pain of my sins upon himself on the cross, He also took the pain of the sins against me. How wrong am I to justify holding on to the pain to validate the wrongness of the actions, when Jesus suffered from them much more then I ever will. As I beg and plead to have the chains of resentment broken in my life and then turn around to securely grasp them in my hands once more as a memory of the past runs through my thoughts, Jesus must be thinking:

Isn't what I did on the Cross enough?

Wasn't the pain I took on your behalf enough?

Why wont you stare at that cross knowing I took this injustice upon myself  FOR YOU so you wouldn't have to take it upon yourself?

I will never look at the cross in the same way...